


if my wishes came true

by sowish



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, a quick drabble, all angst, but you can blame taylor swift and my moot for this, im only slightly sorry, intentional lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:40:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: what is there to do when a relationship is long past its due date but letting go is impossible?
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	if my wishes came true

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from taylor swift's the 1. hope you enjoy!

the clock ticks.

tick.

tock.

tick.

silence has never been so loud.

at the dinner table, steam rises from her bowl of galbitang. (minji had rushed out from work after her shift ended to go to the grocery store to pick up the beef, green onions, and the potato chips that siyeon loves in order to make the dinner that siyeon had been craving for the past few days). 

minji remembers when laughter used to rush like streams of water, flowing towards its gravitational pull to wherever the river led. 

remembers when siyeon used to gravitate to her.

across from her, there is only the empty chair that siyeon would usually occupy. 

siyeon’s work hours are long and sometimes she likes going out after finishing up her work with her coworkers to blow off some steam. but she promised she’d be home for dinner. drumming her fingers on the table and glancing at the clock hung on the wall, siyeon should have been home ten minutes ago.

(a part gnaws at minji. a part that knows that siyeon will come home when minji is too exhausted from her day to keep her eyes opened. stubbornly still, minji reheats their soup when it turns cold as the hour turns. her stomach grumbles in protest, a deep pang against her heart rattles her ribs).

minji checks her phone. her lockscreen illuminates like the smile that siyeon has in it, her forehead against the temple of minji’s head, her nose grazing her cheek, unrestrained love shining from her eyes the way it spilled in her heart.

she finds no notifications other than the messages from the group chat that she shares with their friends. apparently, gahyeon tried cooking something and managed to burn whatever meal she was making even with bora supervising her via facetime call. but, nothing from siyeon. replying in the group chat with encouraging words to make gahyeon feel better, minji locks her phone after double checking her texts with siyeon.

she promised she’d be home in time for dinner. she promised with two exclamation points and a red heart.

normally, minji can take pride in her patience. (hell, she waited three years for her promotion and for  _ some _ recognition from her boss without too much of a fuss. and she waited for siyeon for years when they were younger. even when the later years became painful and wrought with a sadness that left scars from where stitches used to be punctured, minji wouldn’t take it back. even if siyeon never loved her back, falling in love with her might’ve been the greatest thing that happened to minji because, god, loving siyeon feels like running towards the moon with reckless abandon and her heart in her hands and basking in her warm light. and even if that means breaking her own heart in the process, at least she’d have felt the glowing comfort of the moon guiding her home). but she can only take so much. she can only take so many broken promises and empty words, dates that should have happened, only for her to be humiliated and left looking pathetic and lonely at a restaurant with an empty glass of wine in front of her.

and she tried. she had told siyeon about what she felt, that she missed her endlessly even in the moments that siyeon was actually there beside her because she began to miss the feeling of her being there. she shifted her schedules to match siyeon’s, even turned down a promotion because it meant her working earlier mornings that would take her time away from siyeon peacefully sleeping in their bed, her head tucked into her neck. minji doesn’t like begging, hates being so weak that she needs to plead for someone to stay. but she finds herself imploring siyeon to stay, to love her. 

(minji can’t help but to think that she isn’t doing enough, could never quite be enough). 

somehow, even when siyeon lays beside her late at night after coming home from going out and subconsciously pinches the skin at the back of minji’s hand to help her get to sleep after she curls up beside her and rests her arm across her stomach, it still feels like she is not there and holding her—that there is a siyeon shaped hole in her heart gnawing at her veins and letting her blood spill from the beating cavern until she’s left dry, a lifeless and empty body with a heart that never stopped calling for a name that doesn’t seem to echo hers back.

in the hours she spends alone in bed staring up at her ceiling, minji holds siyeon’s pillow close to her chest, inhales the smell of it because minji can’t remember the last time she could hold siyeon long enough to smell the love radiating from her, feel the comfort of her embrace and the anchoring melody of her heart faintly beating against her chest. sometimes she’ll think about what they could be doing—maybe watching a movie or talking about their day or nothing at all, kissing each other because there is no greater pleasure than being so close, deeply and wantonly or playfully and teasingly, definitely cuddled and tangled up together in a mess of limbs because siyeon used to like seeking out for minji’s affection like a magnet being pulled to its pair. sometimes she’ll think about the slow erosion of their relationship, but she refuses to think about the deterioration of the love that used to bridge them together, unable to stomach the sinking feeling.

it has been so long since minji has felt loved. irrevocably and undeniably loved.

siyeon used to make her feel like that. used to make her feel invincible and cherished—special and important.

minji used to feel like she was someone worth wanting and loving. (all she feels now is a numbness that frosted her heart and a nagging reminder that she lost herself in the wrong person).

(minji could never accept siyeon being wrong for her when she felt so right, so perfect for her that there couldn’t be anyone else who could love her. minji wonders when siyeon stopped loving her, stopped feeling adoration and overwhelming enamor coloring her chest—wonders when she might stop loving siyeon too because minji never considered not loving siyeon, not when she has loved her for longer than half the time she has been alive, not when she would be willing to give up the universe if it meant making siyeon happy).

(minji thinks that if she gave up her universe—her greatest and longest love—siyeon would be happier. yet, she finds it nearly impossible to). 

from the dinner table and looking at their wooden door, its knob doesn’t turn. minji remembers how siyeon carried her across it when they first purchased their home. she had wanted to carry her in her arms like a bride because it made siyeon feel like they actually had professed and promised each other their forever’s. except, minji’s legs were too long and clashed against the doorframe when siyeon tried to walk through and even when she moved to make space for her legs, minji’s head bumped onto the other side of the frame. while minji’s head had a slight remnant of pain, she laughed like the sun was shining inside of her like golden streams of glimmering magic. siyeon had been laughing too much too to carry her for much longer, the both of them walking through the threshold with minji’s arms around her shoulders, siyeon’s head buried in her neck, her laughter ricocheting against her skin, her happiness melting through and wrapping itself around her bones like silk.

this was their new life that they chose to start together in their new home. it had a charming streak across the floor in the corner of their living room—the previous owners had scratched the floor while trying to move their bookshelf. minji only insisted on buying the piano that siyeon had been eyeing to cover it. it took a good bit out of her savings that minji was allocating for something shiny to put on siyeon’s left ring finger, but minji thinks siyeon’s happiness seeing it sitting in their living room when she came home after a hard day of work was more than worth the splurge—even if that meant her picking up a few extra shifts to make up for it. 

it wasn’t new, its previous owner selling it to make some extra money, but it had a story, a history that siyeon loved the mystery of. she’d imagine the hands that could’ve played countless songs, the memories that could have been made on the piano bench. (and she’d sit at the piano bench with minji beside her, play whatever came to her mind and sing whatever her heart wished to. she’d patiently wait while minji practices some song that siyeon had made in the past, kissing her cheek even if she stumbles over a key and gently pulling her chin towards her to softly press her pink lips against minji’s as her eyes light up when she finally gets it right). 

a heavy weight sits on her chest as she takes a bite of the soup. it’s good. but unappetizing when silence accompanies the shattering of her heart. packing the food in tupperware and putting it in the fridge, minji knows well enough that this is another promise left to rot like the others. moving from her seat, dragging her feet to the piano, and pulling out the bench, minji lifts the cover. the ivory keys are worn out, the bench’s padding flat and slightly uncomfortable. her fingers slowly move across the keys with strained practice—notes achingly playing one by one, the sound of siyeon’s affection, a song she made for their seventh anniversary. (siyeon’s fingers would have glided in a graceful dance that always enchanted minji’s heart). they stumble at the octave change that always gives her trouble. minji thinks she feels a ghost of siyeon’s lips pressing against her cheeks with a reassuring smile tugging at the corner of them, her gentle voice telling her, “it’s okay, try again.” 

so, she tries again. and even when her fingers trip up again and she mentally berates herself, an echo of siyeon telling her, “you’re doing so well, you almost had it,” comforts her.

so minji does it all over again. twice, thrice, a fourth time.

she presses a black key instead of an ivory one and frustrated tears spill from her eyes and streak down her cheeks like a scar that mars her and reflects the gouges dug in her heart. buckling under the weight pressing her to the depths of her despondency, minji breaks into splintering shards and heaves sobs into the sleeves of siyeon’s hoodie. 

it’s not okay.

minji is not okay.

she almost had it.

she almost had siyeon.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading and i really appreciate any feedback that yall choose to leave behind!! find me on twitter and cc @kminjyus


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